Author: Charlene Nagawa

I love the Lord and I have a unique relationship with Jesus Christ. My story is not an ordinary story, and I am excited to see what God has in store for me. My prayer is that friends, family, and everyone who reads my blogs will fall in love with Jesus.

Laugh at the days to come

Charlene Nagawa2 Comments

As I read about the Virtuous wife in Proverbs 31, it dawned on me that this woman trusted the Lord. She trusted the Lord with her whole heart and I realized I wanted that. “Who laughs at the future?”, I wondered to myself. I, too, wanted to laugh at the future and the days to come—knowing well that Jesus is Lord over all. However, my soul could not comprehend this.  This woman trusted the Lord and she had strength and knew who she was in the Lord. She flourished, prospered, and worked to honour the Lord. Hebrews 11:11 reveals to us that Sarah too was a Proverbs 31 woman. She gained strength to conceive because she “considered Him faithful who had promised”. Sarah laughed at the days to come. Again, I wanted that. I wanted to be strong like these women—not because of anything I could do, but because I trusted in the One who promised. I wanted to laugh at the days to come. I wanted to submit to Jesus fully, and joyfully, as His bride. But for a long time I couldn’t.

How do I laugh at the days to come? Really, how? I still remember my first encounter with Habakkuk 3:17-18. It was jarring. The verses spoke of barren fig trees, empty fields, and cattle disappearing—yet still choosing to rejoice in the Lord. But to me, the thought of laughing during a season that could be looming with hardship, toil and uncertainty was incomprehensible. I couldn’t imagine the rugged terrain along my path and so I rejected the Word. I did not know who God was when the fields produced no food. I did not know that trusting in the Lord would give me strength when there was no fruit in the vines. I did not want to laugh at the days to come. Rather, I wanted to laugh in enjoyment everyday. I wanted certainty before I moved. I needed to know what was next before I dared take the next step. I wanted to have some control over every matter. I deliberately refused to laugh at the days to come. I mean, who laughs? There’s nothing funny about walking a rugged path, let alone carrying a rugged cross. So I didn’t laugh at the days to come. I couldn’t. But in choosing not to laugh at the days to come, another unwelcome alternative crept in—fear and anxiety. They settled where joy and confidence were meant to live.

I wrestled with fear and battled with anxiety. Until a woman of God who ministers to me, Pastor Tracy Tumwebaze, said something that stopped me in my tracks. She called it what it truly was—Pride. She defined this pride as “failure to give matters to God and instead beholding your own strength”. She went on to say, “When things are not going your way and you are scared of the future, it means you have refused to accept the help of Jesus”. And in that moment, I saw it clearly—she was right. I had refused to fall into the arms of Jesus, never fully understanding that this life, this faith walk, is not about me; it is about Jesus and self sufficiency is not strength. It is pride.

I thought to myself, “how do I give it all to Jesus, then?” How do I hysterically laugh at the days to come and how do I judge God faithful even when there are no cattle in the stalls? How do I fully trust him even when arrows keep flying my way and every step forward feels like a battlefield? How do I fix my eyes on the one who promised and confirmed that He is the one to perform, not me.

As I pondered these questions, it dawned on me that the answer was already deposited within me since before I was born (Psalm 139:13-18). So I picked myself up and took a timid yet bold step with one goal in mind—to work myself towards a life with this kind of laughter, having absolute confidence in the Lord. I wanted what the Proverbs 31 women had—a grace to thrive and walk faithfully before the Lord.

I realized this had to be the work of the Holy Spirit. I needed help to get there, so I had to reach out to the Helper. I was led to the feet of Jesus, where our fore-sister Mary had shown us to sit (Luke 10: 38-42). I went in and sought the Lord as my Husband and my Master. This looked like sitting to listen to the voice of God when the giants were knocking at my door. Hiding behind His shield when shots kept getting fired at me. Looking at him even when the enemy tried to shake me up. I had to remind myself, my soul, and the giants; that God’s love is where I would draw strength. I strove to understand and abide in the love of God that casts out all fears so that I could laugh at the days to come. This also meant breaking my alabaster box daily, with all my expectations, and washing His feet with my deepest desires and needs.

But I had never really understood what that laughter looked like until the Holy Spirit told me, “you have to give up control.” “It is okay to stop striving, it is okay to give it to Me,” Jesus nudged gently. “Let go, give me your life. Release this matter, loosen your grip,” He persisted.

It was not easy but I finally loosened my grip. And once I did, I asked Him “What next?” Jesus responded gently, yet with calming authority, “Now you can laugh at the days to come, because I am Lord over all.”

I had prevailed.

My plate

Charlene Nagawa4 Comments

He prepares a table before us; in the presence of our enemies. He fills our cups and they overrun. I was invited to this event, organised by the King. The invitation read, “I know the plans I have for you…” To be fair, I did not read the rest. I shut it quickly and rushed to the event. The welcome team informed me that I had been allocated a table. I thought to myself, “He knows the plans He has for me…”

It was nice to see familiar faces at the table. It was beautifully set, as usual. I questioned my familiarity with the set up and I sensed a certain level of boredom. I felt like I had been there before. BEEN THERE! DONE THAT! Nevertheless, I sat expectantly.  The King arrived at the table and I kept looking around and wondering whether I was dressed right or whether I was dressed like others. The hosts began to worship and I managed to utter out specks of worship. At this point, I noticed a placard before me which read “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewellery or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”

The King spoke, “Quiet your soul and worship me, there is always a mystery to unveil”. An attempt at worship caused the elders to cast their crowns and sing, “Holy, Holy, Holy are you Lord…” I cut that short, I was more interested in knowing these plans He has for me. Excited to see my breakthrough and hear of when it will happen. After all, one of the wall hangings in the room read, “Seek me, and you will find me, and I will show you great and marvellous things.”

So we sat down. The King spoke, but my mind drifted to so many times. I heard so little from him that it forced me to keep inquiring from my neighbours who, might I say, paraphrased it for me according to their understanding. It seemed okay and I was distracted anyway.

Food was served, the daily bread, and it looked amazing but only for a moment. I looked at another’s plate and I realised the serving was very different. I then got disgruntled and called the Angel waiting on us and asked him why I got something different. I looked closely at my plate and realised there were some things that I did not particularly like. They seemed heavy for my stomach; and some – I generally would not pick them on an ordinary day. My heart sank. 

The King rose from his seat and walked up to me. He touched my hand and said “What you have on your plate is sufficient because I am sufficient for you”. He also added, “Do not look at another’s plate. You are unique and your plate is uniquely for you. You must listen to me. You must quiet your soul. You must have a gentle heart and always be thankful. You will rest knowing that my plans for you are good.” The King then walked back to his seat.

The Helper of the King remarked, “I know you did not read the entire invitation”. I immediately reached out to my bag and opened the invitation again. I missed the last clause. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future a hope”.

My King then spoke…

Charlene Nagawa2 Comments

I was faced with a very hard decision a couple of weeks back. I had to make a choice between what God had in store for me and what the world offered me. To be fair, the only evidence I had of God’s promises was a dream and a prophetic word. Also, I was confident in what the goodness of the Lord is or at least I thought I was. The world presented security, stability, and status. The world gave me evidence which I could see  and touch. 

Honestly, I have faced similar decisions in the past, but this time I was shaken. I felt completely unstable, and everything I was waiting on the Lord for seemed unrealistic. I went back to my prayer journal to read my conversation with God regarding this matter, but I still did not feel confident in the promises of God. I was not as grounded in the will of God. I was more willing to compromise than ever before and I felt no conviction. I asked Jesus, “why has this decision been much harder for me to make? Why is my ground so unstable?”. My King then spoke…

Where your treasure is, there your heart will be. Guard your heart, for out of it flows the matters of life. Depending on where your treasure is, that is where your life will flow. Whatever you engage in will give the beat to which your life will dance. All decisions will seem normal and easy based on your treasure and the values you relate to in that season. If your treasure is on earthly things, your spirit will always struggle with My Will and be comfortable with the world’s offer. But when your treasure is in me, your spirit will be more confident in My Will and Direction and very uncomfortable with the world. You make many decisions based on feelings nurtured by knowledge. The informed decision is stamped by how you feel at that time and how you feel is nurtured by the information presented in season. You cannot control your feelings, but you can direct them by investing in me, as a treasure. Again, guard your heart for the matters of life flow from it. 

I am in awe at the goodness of God in sharing with me this revelation. Many times we say, “It felt right. I had a good feeling about the whole situation. How did it collapse before me?”. Well, it had to feel right based on where your treasure is. I made the choice then, that my treasure should be in God so that His Will would be easy for me to pursue and anything outside His Will would be a struggle to follow.

Has it been easy since then? Definitely not. My fire was up at the point of revelation but as the days went by, the flame was faint. But this I remembered, “Better is one day in the house of the LORD than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a door keeper at the house of the LORD than to dwell in the tent of the wicked”. So I asked God, who is the author and perfecter of my faith, to fan into my flame as I pursue his will for my life… but the cycle never ends.

(Scriptural Reference: Matthew 6:19-21)

My date with a King

Charlene Nagawa6 Comments

Every day I have dates with a King, and He always waits for me. He always goes ahead of me and goes out of His way to set up for our dates. And as He waits, the Angels set up so beautifully. More than I dreamed, more than I can imagine. Yes, the ambience is the best and He waits patiently for me to show up. Sometimes I do not show up but still, He waits. And when I do show up, some days I am weary, faithless, fearful, doubtful, tired, exhausted, and my mind so absent. On other days I am hopeful, stronger, and ready to fight in faith.

But this King, whatever state I am in; He waits with a smile and His face shines towards me with love, compassion, and kindness.

I am sure He is the King of my heart. He searches my heart and is aware of my current state. When I show up, even in my worst state, He never leaves. Instead He hugs me and whispers “Welcome my beautiful one.” He asks, “What do you want to talk about?” He adds, “You can talk to Me about anything”. Of course I, like the Psalmist, could have complaints, arguments, tears, gratitude, joy, peace, and sometimes I may not even be able to speak. But He listens, clothed with Peace amidst the chaos and tries to speak to me. Sometimes I listen and other times I do not. When I listen, I have hope that I will heed to His word.

Truthfully, the baggage I carry sometimes numbs my senses. But He tirelessly offers to carry my baggage and He assures me of rest when I hand it over.

Set up at the table are the finest dishes; my daily bread. These dishes are my key to take one day a time. When I receive these dishes, and reflect at the end of each day, I realize that it is Enough. My hunger and longings are always satisfied. The dessert, His word, is sweeter than honey. In addition, He gifts and dresses me with the finest ornaments of gold and silver; a testament to identity – my identity in Him. When I behold my reflection in the mirror, I see Him and not myself. Then I see myself as He sees me and not as the world sees me.

He touches my heart with a confirmed newness, and a refreshed knowledge.

At the end of the date, I say to Him, “See You next time”. And with a smile on His face, He says “My beautiful one, I am always here. Come to me and make this Your home. I want to feed you daily, to spoil You with identity, to clothe You with compassion, to oil you with confidence. I want You to touch My heart and know me”. He continues to say, “The best for you, my child, the best flowers are set at the table. I always have this prepared for you. Your room is perfectly set to accommodate your weaknesses in My strength. And I have a cabin where you can dump Your baggage. Come. Enjoy life with Me. Bring your family, relationships, hobbies, work, academics, and everything else about you at My table. I want to anoint you with oil.” He added, “Did you know that as I wait, I have the heavenly hosts play great pieces? Make this your home, for I have never left. You are important to me.”

From this I know I am important, and nothing can separate me from His Love. The King of Kings Himself says so. He is the King of my heart.