As I read about the Virtuous wife in Proverbs 31, it dawned on me that this woman trusted the Lord. She trusted the Lord with her whole heart and I realized I wanted that. “Who laughs at the future?”, I wondered to myself. I, too, wanted to laugh at the future and the days to come—knowing well that Jesus is Lord over all. However, my soul could not comprehend this.  This woman trusted the Lord and she had strength and knew who she was in the Lord. She flourished, prospered, and worked to honour the Lord. Hebrews 11:11 reveals to us that Sarah too was a Proverbs 31 woman. She gained strength to conceive because she “considered Him faithful who had promised”. Sarah laughed at the days to come. Again, I wanted that. I wanted to be strong like these women—not because of anything I could do, but because I trusted in the One who promised. I wanted to laugh at the days to come. I wanted to submit to Jesus fully, and joyfully, as His bride. But for a long time I couldn’t.

How do I laugh at the days to come? Really, how? I still remember my first encounter with Habakkuk 3:17-18. It was jarring. The verses spoke of barren fig trees, empty fields, and cattle disappearing—yet still choosing to rejoice in the Lord. But to me, the thought of laughing during a season that could be looming with hardship, toil and uncertainty was incomprehensible. I couldn’t imagine the rugged terrain along my path and so I rejected the Word. I did not know who God was when the fields produced no food. I did not know that trusting in the Lord would give me strength when there was no fruit in the vines. I did not want to laugh at the days to come. Rather, I wanted to laugh in enjoyment everyday. I wanted certainty before I moved. I needed to know what was next before I dared take the next step. I wanted to have some control over every matter. I deliberately refused to laugh at the days to come. I mean, who laughs? There’s nothing funny about walking a rugged path, let alone carrying a rugged cross. So I didn’t laugh at the days to come. I couldn’t. But in choosing not to laugh at the days to come, another unwelcome alternative crept in—fear and anxiety. They settled where joy and confidence were meant to live.

I wrestled with fear and battled with anxiety. Until a woman of God who ministers to me, Pastor Tracy Tumwebaze, said something that stopped me in my tracks. She called it what it truly was—Pride. She defined this pride as “failure to give matters to God and instead beholding your own strength”. She went on to say, “When things are not going your way and you are scared of the future, it means you have refused to accept the help of Jesus”. And in that moment, I saw it clearly—she was right. I had refused to fall into the arms of Jesus, never fully understanding that this life, this faith walk, is not about me; it is about Jesus and self sufficiency is not strength. It is pride.

I thought to myself, “how do I give it all to Jesus, then?” How do I hysterically laugh at the days to come and how do I judge God faithful even when there are no cattle in the stalls? How do I fully trust him even when arrows keep flying my way and every step forward feels like a battlefield? How do I fix my eyes on the one who promised and confirmed that He is the one to perform, not me.

As I pondered these questions, it dawned on me that the answer was already deposited within me since before I was born (Psalm 139:13-18). So I picked myself up and took a timid yet bold step with one goal in mind—to work myself towards a life with this kind of laughter, having absolute confidence in the Lord. I wanted what the Proverbs 31 women had—a grace to thrive and walk faithfully before the Lord.

I realized this had to be the work of the Holy Spirit. I needed help to get there, so I had to reach out to the Helper. I was led to the feet of Jesus, where our fore-sister Mary had shown us to sit (Luke 10: 38-42). I went in and sought the Lord as my Husband and my Master. This looked like sitting to listen to the voice of God when the giants were knocking at my door. Hiding behind His shield when shots kept getting fired at me. Looking at him even when the enemy tried to shake me up. I had to remind myself, my soul, and the giants; that God’s love is where I would draw strength. I strove to understand and abide in the love of God that casts out all fears so that I could laugh at the days to come. This also meant breaking my alabaster box daily, with all my expectations, and washing His feet with my deepest desires and needs.

But I had never really understood what that laughter looked like until the Holy Spirit told me, “you have to give up control.” “It is okay to stop striving, it is okay to give it to Me,” Jesus nudged gently. “Let go, give me your life. Release this matter, loosen your grip,” He persisted.

It was not easy but I finally loosened my grip. And once I did, I asked Him “What next?” Jesus responded gently, yet with calming authority, “Now you can laugh at the days to come, because I am Lord over all.”

I had prevailed.